List of My Wife and Kids episodes

Claire develops her first real crush on a boy, and Michael does everything to break them up. He takes a different approach by becoming friends with him, to the point where the boy wants to spend more time with Michael then with Claire. After Claire dumps him, Jay makes Michael dump him too. Ever since his hormones kicked in, Jr. spends most of the day in the bathroom, playing with his toy, until he "breaks" it and has to stop playing with it until it is fixed.

While Jay is away taking care of her mother who broke her leg, Michael is left in charge of the house and the kids. They all miss their mother, and nothing Michael does seems to be as good how Jay did. Jr. wants to join the basketball team. Michael doubts he'll make it, but when he does Michael has other problems to worry about: Jr.'s friends, who seem to be using him. Meanwhile, Kady is cranky and not even Michael's efforts to make cookies just like her mother's are working. Trying to get a smile from her, he starts to tell her how she was born. Claire's friend Charmaine (Raven Symoné) is spending the night over. But the two have bigger worries when a pregnancy test comes out positive.

Claire, Jr., and Kady are upset that Michael's rules are way too strict since Jay left. So, they make a bet with him that they can go one week without rules. If they win: no more rules. Give up: they must hug Michael and say "I was stupid. You are the best dad in the whole world." Kady gives up quickly after Michael decides to go to McDonald's for a Happy Meal. Claire gives up after a few days when she had to go to school on Jr.'s bike, waking up late, being a social outcast, and Michael deciding he and Kady are going to see the Backstreet Boys with a third ticket and she decides to go. Jr. gives up on the very last day after realizing that he needs rules in his life after sleeping outside of the house all night after being locked out.

The kids complain that Michael is being too strict since Jay left, so they call for a family meeting where they all discuss the way they think the family should be, with no repercussions. Jr. thinks having a rapper for a dad would be cool, Claire thinks the perfect dad should be the manager of the country's #1 boy band, and Kady thinks Michael should be a big blue dragon (much like TV's Barney). Michael shows them how these versions could go wrong, and shares his thoughts of perfect children.

Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children. After a disastrous attempt to fix things, Michael and Jay finally decide to let things the way they were. Meanwhile, Jay and Michael worry about Jr.'s rush to have sex and his new girlfriend.

After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklin is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.

Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair he's grown with the help of some "miracle" pills called "Hair It 'Tis". As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. He also starts to get paranoid that Jay is trying to kill him after they take out life insurance. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program.

Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr. however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Elsewhere Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesn't want her to put the household second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Junior's friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle.

Vanessa's parents (Lester Speight and Ella Joyce) come over the Kyles house to discuss the future baby's situation. Michael is outraged with the demands from the Scotts, but Calvin's size makes Michael think twice before taking any drastic measures. They take the Scotts out for dinner and are left with the bill. Realizing they have a couple of con artists on their hands, Michael and Jay stand up for themselves and set the baby's true needs – which don't include a new house for the Scotts as Calvin wanted.

The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry (Sean Whalen), who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks Junior to dig her grave, little Kady to kiss his "Grammy" goodbye, and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song for the last time.

The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. But, unwillingly Michael blurts it out that the baby is a boy. Meanwhile, Franklin freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to "Smilin' Willie" and tries to learn how to be a dance master.

When Jay works hard to get in shape and run a marathon, Michael thinks that, since he's a man, he can run the marathon as well - without any real training. Meanwhile, bible-quoting Tony asks the gorgeous Claire to dress "ugly" so he won't feel so turned on.

Much to Claire's delight, Michael and Jay forget to recite their house rules — "No friends, no fires, no freedom, no fun" - before going out for the night. As a result, Claire decides to throw a party so she can get in with the so-called right crowd. Things get raucous when someone spikes the punch and a drunken Tony fulfills a fantasy and streaks down the street naked.

When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny "Saxophone" Jackson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have got rusty.

Michael's imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claire's backpack — the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dog's medicine — and Kady pretends to turn into a dog.

When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.

Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer… except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.

When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.

Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.

Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts they are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present.

The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michael's cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household – except Michael – comes down with the flu. To ensure that he won't miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice.

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.

Michael and Jay look back on the fun times they have had.

Calvin, Vanessa's gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.

When Calvin begs to Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.

In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.

While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins (Betty White), to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and want to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins' attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.

In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modelling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset – his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze (Kelly Coffield Park), a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation. Absent: Andrew McFarlane as Tony

Michael writes a script for the time before Vanessa gives birth. But finally, when its time for a new life to be born, Claire took the only car to the mall, no one follows the script, and Vanessa ends up having the new baby in the parents' bed, the same place the baby was conceived.

Michael fails a child-care course for grandparents, so Vanessa and Jr. refuse to let him baby-sit his grandchild for the rest of the week. Absent: Andrew McFarlane as Tony

Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until Bobby Shaw,his former rival challenges him to a dance-off.

When an overwhelmed Jr. thinks he is not smart enough to take care of his own son, Michael tells Jr. that "Jr., Jr." is a "magic baby," and that every time he holds him, it will make Jr. smarter. The ploy works, but in the process Jr. becomes somewhat arrogant with his new-found knowledge, so Michael brings Franklin in so that the two geniuses can match wits. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking back into her bedroom after hours and threatens to tell their parents, unless Claire does some favors for her.

Jr. is finally ready to propose to Vanessa, but every time he tries to do so, something interrupts him, including Michael and Jay - who are preparing to compete against each other in a karaoke competition.

At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put "Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen" out of business.

Michael's enemy Bobby Shaw, tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave for the rest of his life! When Michael tries to get him out of the contract, they end up in a rap off.

When Jay wishes that Michael would give her the kind of romantic attention that she sees newlywed Vanessa getting from Jr., Michael decides to kill Jay with kindness so he can get back to watching TV and ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin tells Kady that he thinks he's too short and goes to great lengths to appear otherwise.

Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final which is the week after! He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy."

Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.

The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff.

When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up - something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw, comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.

Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together in the R.V. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures including getting lost and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features. Michael flips open the regulator vents to air out the R.V. and that results in the R.V. exploding.